For my father
May 7, 2012Location (City, State): Fairfax, Virginia
My father died in January, and that week my mother’s friend gave me the book, thinking it would “help” me with the loss. For a few weeks, I laid in my bed at night, just thinking how much my life does and will continue to suck. Later on, it got a little better, with my family going to counseling. But after awhile I started to feel anger and regret and shame. I tried to get my anger out by working out and running in my track team, but these emotions are still here. I am angry because I realize that my father is gone and isn’t going to come back. Ever. The anger has also been expressed when I think of the cop that responded to the 911 call that my sister made. The officer just strolled upstairs, and I continue to think that he didn’t think that it was an emergency, but it was, and by the time the EMTs got there, it was too late. I’m feeling regret because I feel guilty for not being able to save him, even though everyone says I couldn’t do anything. I feel shame for all the things in the past that I have done, and that if I could go back in time, I would change it so none of those things happened. I am having nightmares now of the day me and my sister found him, and the position he lay in. I’m too young for this, but I have to learn to cope somehow. I know that I am not alone and that there are many other teens out there that have lost loved ones as well, some of which I know. 2012 is apparently supposed to be the end of the world, many people think that that isn’t going to happen, but this event caused me to think that it is the end of MY world.
This post was submitted by Zarek Baban.
Posted in Journal entry |If You Had A Million Dollars To Spend, What Would You Buy?
March 31, 2012Location (City, State): Landenburg PA
All the talk these couples days is how large the lottery is. Today in social studies, my class was asked how they would spend their share. All the “high class” development kids replied with, “the newest car, a mansion, an island” and so on. I raised my hand, was called on and said: “I would use the money to pay for a full investigation of the night my poppop was found.”. My teacher looked at me with a weird look of surprise, she asked “why?”. I said “because it would be a huge relief to understand everything that happend to him before he was found more dead than alive.”. Surprisingly she smiled and replied, “thats something i have never heard from a student.”. And i just felt that if i knew what happend, i would sleep better at night, and same with everybody else close to him and i in my family.
Lately i have been having this feeling like he’s here. Sometimes i even talk like hes right their. One evening at my winter choir concer, i swear i saw him, who knows.? I believe i have a gift because sometimes I see him and talk to him, though he never talks back, he smiles and nods as if he was still here. Is it possible that it really is him? I guess i’ll never know, but I believe it is. I believe now that anything is possible. He may not be alive and warm, but he is here, I know it! I may sound crazy, but thats just my opinion. Nobody will tell me any different. I love him, and im sure he still loves his baby girl back.
LOVE YOU POPPOP! HAPPY EASTER!
This post was submitted by Shiyann.
Posted in Journal entry |I’m so tired.
February 7, 2012Location (City, State): Auburn, Alabama
In November, my step-mother died. She had Leukemia, and infection in the port they gave her ultimately killed her. I never honestly liked her.. well, sometimes I did. We were just so drastically different, we could never truly “click”. I preferred my mom to her any day when I was really upset, I almost wished she would just leave or die or just disappear.
And now she’s gone. And my dad is lost and my step-brother is more of a mystery than he’s ever been. And I’m losing him to his grandmother. I don’t want him to leave; he’s the only sanity I’ve got. He has no idea how much he helps me, just by being there, even before all of this happened.
But he’s leaving me… us. I understand it but I can’t imagine loosing both of them. He’s just going to forget about me; he doesn’t even like me to begin with.
I’ve only got one more year of high school, but it will be torture and I won’t even have my fun kid around me.
I just want all of this to be over; I can’t do this any more.
This post was submitted by Tori.
Posted in Journal entry |AGAIN???? REALLY!!!!
January 17, 2012Location (City, State): Landenberg PA
OK couple days ago was eleven monthes poppop has been gone. Obviously my friends don’t understand my pain. Whatever they are just being ignorant punks, trying to act kool. Whatever is what i say to them. They arn’t true friends if they don’t understand you.
My closest friend ever is gone…FOREVER.. I have excluded her from my life. Shes nothing now. i dont even see her.. Its for the best i hope. and im sure it is..
This post was submitted by Shiyann Mullens.
Posted in Journal entry |grief can get turned into miracles
January 16, 2012Location (City, State): St. Charles, IL
HI I AM KENDALL. WHEN I LOST MY SISTER 4 YEARS AGO ME AND MY WHOLE FAMILY WERE DEVASTATED WE ALL FELT LIKE WE WERE PLUNGED HEAD FIRST INTO THE WORLD OF GRIEF. AND WHAT I FOUND OUT WAS THAT EVERY DAY WHEN I JOURNAL I WOULD START TO FEEL A LOT BETTER. I FEEL LIKE I AM GETTING BETTER DAY BY DAY. ALL I HAD TO FOCUS ON WAS THAT I HAVE TO TAKE BABY STEPS AND NOT TO JUST LEAP FOREWORD IN THE GRIEVING PROCESS. SOMETIMES I WOULD I KEEP WONDERING “WHY DOES MY WHOLE FAMILY SEEM DIFFERENT”? I FOUND OUT THAT THEY WERE GRIEVING DIFFERENTLY. THEN I FOUND OUT THAT MEANS THAT PEOPLE CAN GRIEVE IN DIFFERENT WAYS AND AT DIFFERENT TIMES. AND I ALSO WANT TO SAY THAT IF YOU HAVE A PET THAT YOU LOVE A LOT IT WOULD JUST BE GOOD TO HOLD IT FOR A WHILE. WHEN YOU ARE HOLDING YOUR PET START THINKING OF THE GOOD TIMES YOU HAD WITH YOUR LOVED ONE. I THINK THAT WHENEVER YOU FEEL SAD DON’T FEEL BAD TO TELL YOUR PARENT CAUSE I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT THEY ARE ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU AND WANT TO HELP.
This post was submitted by Kendall Waltmire.
Posted in Journal entry |loss
December 30, 2011Location (City, State): Newton, Ma
Last night, I made a museum to my late mother in part of my room. My father saw it and immediately broke down. I think this is a natural reaction to loss, when a parent or spouse dies you are always on the verge of breakdown and any little thing that reminds you of them can set you off.
This post was submitted by Leila Zisk.
Posted in Journal entry | ← Older posts Newer posts →
Fire In My Heart, Ice In My Veins A Journal for Teenagers
Teens can write letters, copy down meaningful lyrics, write songs and poems, tell the person who died what they want them to know, finish business and use their creativity to work through the grieving process.